"My partner can not change." "Since we are not getting along now, how can I hope that we will do better in the future?" "She hurt me. She deserves the same." "It's not fair to have to try all by myself." "We should both try - I see no reason why it's only me that should change." "Only my way of thinking is right." "There's no problem with me. If my partner changes, then everything will be fine." "I had no problem in my life until I got married."
To be with someone else in an intimate relationship means that we entitle them with our love, friendship, partnership, etc, and most of the times this is irrelevant of their talents, values, morals. No skill can lead to an emotional decision. Therefore, we can feel the same passion for a hero or for a coward. Being loved is not something we earned (like a job through an interview), but something that was given to us generously, like an unspoken favor. Thus, love means to live in the eternal coexistence of terror and miracle. (Pascal Bruckner)