by Jessica Zonneveld, Childrens' Coach
Boundaries: many parents struggle with this.
You’re completely normal!
The "Good Enough" mother is the one...
...who doesn't need to be perfect, who doesn't judge others for not being perfect and who teaches her child the beauty not being perfect and of being different among people. And therefore she takes a lot of (perfectionism) stress off her child's shoulder.
...who accepts the love that her child feels for her, but who also equally accepts all the other feelings that may come from the child, even anger or rejection.
...who admits that she has feelings of unconditional love for her child, but also acknowledges that there will be moments in everyday life when she will be experiencing more negative and overwhelming feelings. She is well aware that these uncomfortable, conflicting feelings cannot erase or even diminish her loving side.
Children understand everything they hear and see around them. Probably not with the way we -adults- perceive reality around us, but with their own unique way. And when the hear the news, the shocking-terrible news on the TV, they get the feeling that something bad is happening, or is going to happen (even if they don't understand the details of it). And they are scared. Terrified. And they don't feel safe anymore. Especially when they see their own parents feeling the same way, they feel helpless.
Children sometimes lack perspective of their world around them. They hear about something that happened in India while they live in Oslo, and they feel that this is happening ...next door. They cannot understand how big is the world or how far from them is what happened. They even think that if they move to another house, they will feel safe again. Listen to their need: safety. Reassure them that you will protect them whatever happens. Remind them that there are always good people around us, not only people that want to hurt us.
HOME IS WHERE YOUR HEART IS.