Self-Care in motherhood.
We hear this term a lot these days. It is bounded around as a reminder to look after ourselves, to not let us take on too much, to take time out to nurture our needs. I am totally brought into the importance of this, especially as a mom. However, as a mom I find it difficult to commit to this choice and way of looking out for my own well-being. There is always something that we think is more important, which seems ridiculous as what could be more important than looking after yourself!
The Birth of a Mother
So imagine, it's early morning and you are waiting for some life-changing test results. You have been waiting a while to receive these results, so you are very eager to know the outcome. You may, or may not fully realise it at first, but these results will shape the way you will live your life in the future. These results will influence yourself, your partner, family, friends, your work life, how you travel, how you eat and drink, and generally how you experience your daily life. You wait a few more minutes and the results are clear, they are positive.
Congratulations you are pregnant!
It is definitely old-school practice. Our parents did it, their parents did it to them. It was* considered one of the "top" parenting styles, in order to bring up disciplined and respectful children.
Nothing could have prepared us for the massive impact we would see nowadays on adults who have been spanked when children. No one could have foreseen the trauma it caused and the shame, the sadness and the disgrace it brought along.
*I say "was" because I prefer to hope that this practice belongs to the past. It horrifies me to think that some cultures or sub-cultures still believe in this practice.
The "Good Enough" mother is the one...
...who doesn't need to be perfect, who doesn't judge others for not being perfect and who teaches her child the beauty not being perfect and of being different among people. And therefore she takes a lot of (perfectionism) stress off her child's shoulder.
...who accepts the love that her child feels for her, but who also equally accepts all the other feelings that may come from the child, even anger or rejection.
...who admits that she has feelings of unconditional love for her child, but also acknowledges that there will be moments in everyday life when she will be experiencing more negative and overwhelming feelings. She is well aware that these uncomfortable, conflicting feelings cannot erase or even diminish her loving side.
HOME IS WHERE YOUR HEART IS.