What NOT To Do After a Breakup or Divorce: 7 Helpful Tips
Human beings love routines. We prefer a safe and known environment, such as the city that we have been living in for years or the long term relationships that we have for years. These routines include not only daily life activities but also the people we chat, hang out, and spend most time with. Therefore you can imagine how challenging it is when we go through big life changes such as breaking up or having a divorce.
Whether you want it or not, breaking up with a person you loved can turn your world upside down and cause so many different emotions in a short span of time. A breakup or divorce is not just a process of two people splitting up, but also a process of loss and grief. You lost your hopes or plans for the future and the commitments or promises that you made with that person. Because of this flood of emotions, it's normal if you might feel like acting on your anger or other overwhelming emotions. And that's why we are here: to suggest alternative and healthier options.
How to heal after a break up or divorce
Relationships are challenging.
We cannot control them. We cannot guarantee that they’ll succeed.
In fact, when you come to think about it, what we know about relationships is… not much. Unfortunately relationships are not part of any school curriculum. For most of us, the only “blueprint” we have about relationships is that of our parents — and many times, it’s not an example we can (or should) replicate.
So when we’re faced with one of the toughest moments in a relationship, a breakup, most of us not only are overwhelmed by the pain and sense of loss that follows it, but we also lack the tools to process this trauma and start our path towards healing.
If you’re going through a breakup, I’m sorry. I hope that you’ll find solace in these steps below.
The experience of rejection has so many guises that it has become a very common emotional experience. Throughout our lives we experience rejections in many forms: being picked last for a team game at school, not being invited to a classmate’s birthday party, being knocked back for a promotion, rebuffed through internet dating, being excluded from a social gathering with friends, rejection of partner’s intimate advances and what can be the most painful for some, the break-up of an intimate relationship.
What Does ‘Playing the Victim’ Means?
In interpersonal relationships, the position of the victim is one of the most popular ones. Everybody pushes, pulls, plays tricks, trips others, uses others, exhausts their resources and their minds, usually unwittingly and unconsciously, and eventually placing themselves in the position of the victim.
What forgiveness is and what isn't
Forgiveness is considered by many as the redemption of a burden: the one that someone carries when he has been betrayed by a significant other, or when he has been cheated, mistaken, or abandoned.
Many times we choose forgiveness for social reasons, because "we have to". We wear the mask of "it's OK for me, as long as you are OK." But by acting this way, we skip the healthy process of "recovery" from our trauma. We go through all the “allowed” stages of emotional reactions and never express our anger, but lock it somewhere deep inside us.
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