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Divorce Grief: How To Cope with the Emotional Rollercoaster

31/1/2019

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Emotional Rollercoaster of divorce
Everyone knows how horrible it is to lose a dear person and to have to figure out your life after this loss. However, I was surprised to read the other day about the impact of death and divorce in a person’s life and how close they were in terms of influence in our life. Although it seems that the loss of a loved person is one of the worst moments of someone’s life, research shows that divorce’s emotional impact resembles the size of a permanent loss.

The Divorce Process: Not As Simple As It Seems

Myth: Divorce is just a painful legal procedure where you separate from your partner and then you move on with your life.
​Reality: Going through a divorce is more complicated than it seems. And at this point, let’s separate the emotional divorce from the legal divorce: the legal procedure that will separate the lives of two people and can take a few months. However, the emotional divorce is longer in duration, more complicated and it can start even earlier than the legal procedure. It starts at the moment when we realise that we can no longer continue the emotional relationship with our partner and it expands into a wide range of overwhelming emotions while we process the loss and the change in our life. 

Related:

​What NOT To Do After a Breakup or Divorce: 7 Helpful Tips [ARTICLE]

Divorce Grief: 22 Emotions We All Go Through

Let’s take a look at some of the emotions we go through (not necessarily in this order, since everyone experiences them differently): 

I feel...
Shocked  
​"I can't believe this is really happening." 
Angry 
“You will regret it!” “You left me do everything by myself”
Disillusioned 
"How could you do this to me? I never expected that from you.” 
Guilty
"I hurt him. He didn't deserve this pain." 
Excited 
"I will start a new life now!" 
In denial
“It’s too much”, “I need somebody to clearly say it to me” 
Insecure
“Did I make the right decision?” 
Hopeless
“I went to bed and I wish I wouldn’t wake up the next morning” 
Hopeful
“I wish I will find a kind and caring woman so that my kids will see what a loving relationship is. They have never seen one.” 
Desperate 
“Please stay...” 
Lonely
“No one cares about me” 
Rejected
“I am not worthy of love” 
Blaming myself
“I should have tried harder” 
Afraid
"I will be judged. I will be forgotten. I will make the same mistakes again." 
Embarrassed
“How am I going to present myself to my colleagues and my family now?"
Disappointed
“I never wanted it to finish like this” 
Grateful 
“Thank you for all the nice memories” 
Betrayed
“Your love was a lie” 
Confused
“I don’t know what I want or not want. I don't know who I am” 
Low self-esteem
“I am not going to make it by myself”. "I am not important to anyone. I don't matter."
Sad
"I miss him. I miss the person I met in the beginning of our relationship." 
Stressed
“What about the kids? I should compensate for the pain I gave them” ​.

That's a lot, right? 

Related:

Self-Love and Self-Compassion [COURSE]

The Emotional Process Takes Time. And That's Ok

In our society we learn to rush through changes and to move directly to the next step and settle there. Sometimes, though, the process itself is as valuable as the settling. We cannot put a lid on the emotional process of a divorce - it will happen either way or another. Even if we move on fast to the next relationship, there is a high chance that we will inevitably project some unresolved issues to our next partner (who have no idea, by the way).

​Re-calibrating ourselves and re-identifying our purpose in life is of paramount importance. There are emotions, thoughts, realizations that need to be done before we move to the next relationship, without carrying any emotional baggage and throwing it on them.
​Let's not skip this important step. 
Check this article here on how to heal from a breakup or a divorce. 
​
Emotional Divorce

Related:

Everything your kids want to say to you about your divorce [ARTICLE]

What's Next?

  • Learn more about our Divorce Support and join our group where men and women are going through a divorce or a breakup from a long-term relationship, by supporting each other and healing together. 
  • Get your FREE Guide "How much of a Perfectionist are you?" and find out which of the features you own are highly related to your Perfectionism.
  • Sign up for my newsletter here and get the FREE 40-page guide/workbook on Self-Care filled with practical tips that can make your life more peaceful and balanced.  
  • Visit AntiLoneliness Academy for more workshops and courses on Self-Growth and Relationships. 
  • ​Book recommendations on Relationships, Emotional Trauma and Attachment Theory:
    • ​Attached 
    • Hold me tight 
    • Love sense 
    • Reinventing your life 
    • Running on empty
  • Watch our videos with Psychology tips and insights on Relationships, Perfectionism, Anxiety, Burnout, etc. 
  • Read more articles on Relationships, Self-Development, Loneliness, and Perfectionism here: Blog. ​
  • Don't let anxiety pull you down, contact me and start your own therapy journey in order to get you out of this negative circle. ​
  • Join our Facebook page and Instagram page and read more posts about self-development. ​
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