ANTI-LONELINESS
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Services
    • Therapy & Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Supervision
    • Internship
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
  • Academy
    • Academy for All
    • All Courses
    • From Conflict to Connection
    • How to stop Perfectionism
    • How much of a Perfectionist are you?
    • Burnout Recovery: from exhaustion to resilience
    • How to stop Procrastinating
    • Σεμιναριο για τις σχεσεις
    • Divorce Recovery Programme
    • Grief Recovery Programme
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • Extra Resources
    • In the Media
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
    • CARDS
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Services
    • Therapy & Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Supervision
    • Internship
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
  • Academy
    • Academy for All
    • All Courses
    • From Conflict to Connection
    • How to stop Perfectionism
    • How much of a Perfectionist are you?
    • Burnout Recovery: from exhaustion to resilience
    • How to stop Procrastinating
    • Σεμιναριο για τις σχεσεις
    • Divorce Recovery Programme
    • Grief Recovery Programme
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • Extra Resources
    • In the Media
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
    • CARDS
  • Contact

How To Spot and Deal with a Narcissist: 8 Signs To Look Out For

9/11/2022

0 Comments

 

How To Spot and Deal with a Narcissist: 8 Signs To Look Out For

spot-narcissist-deal
Dealing with a narcissist can be tough and affect our mental wellbeing in a negative way. Learning about narcissistic traits and how to spot them can help us gain a better understanding on how to handle narcissists. In this article we discuss the telltale signs of narcissists and how to cope with individuals with narcissistic traits.

What is a 'Narcissist?'

A narcissist is someone who is overly focused on themselves and thinks they are better than others. They tend to be egocentric, manipulative, and have little regard for others. It is important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people have high levels of narcissistic traits and engage in this sort of behaviour more regularly. While others may have less narcissistic traits. Think of it as in a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 means no narcissistic traits, and 10 is a person that is wholly narcissistic. All of us can be placed somewhere within this spectrum, and those that we consider narcissists are on the highest numbers of this spectrum (for example, 8-10).

​
While it may sound like narcissists are mean people that are out to get us, this is not the case. More often than not, narcissists have poor self-esteem and this is often expressed through arrogance or even self-deprivation. In addition, some have a great need for approval as a result of inadequacies they see in themselves.

Types of Narcissists

According to psychologists and researchers, narcissism can come in two forms. Both types of narcissists are equally problematic, however their narcissism is expressed differently.

Overt (Arrogant Narcissists)

An overt narcissist is easier to spot. This is the type we are most familiar with. They tend to be demanding, get offended easily, and like to show off. If you ever tried to offer an overt narcissist some feedback, it is highly likely they got offended and became emotionally reactive.

There is quite an emphasis on success and competition with overt narcissists. They have high ambitions and are willing to step over others to get what they want. They also tend to brag about such successes, and continuously aim for praise and approval from others.

Such narcissists have shallow relationships, and see themselves as better than others. At times, they view other people as a means to get what they want.

Covert (Shy Narcissists)

On the other hand, a covert narcissist is more subtle. While they are still narcissistic, they show characteristic traits of lacking confidence. They are envious of other people: whether it be their success or talents. There is a general feeling of not being worthy and not trusting others.

A covert narcissist will minimise their success and put themselves down. Instead, they will praise you, with the intention of receiving the same reassurance of their competency in kind. In a way, it is a very subtle way of getting praise and approval from you.

Something you may hear a covert narcissist say is: “I wish I was that smart. You do it so much better.”

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

While we do throw the word “narcissist” around a lot, in its true form, a narcissist is someone who has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Those not diagnosed tend to show narcissistic tendencies, and fall lower on the scale of narcissism.

Someone with NPD believes that they are special and different, and expects others to treat them as such. There is a lack of recognising the needs of others, and are quite dismissive of the people around them. As a psychological disorder, they tend to be much more problematic than individuals that simply have high narcissistic traits; displaying a range of dysfunctional behaviours that can be harmful to their relationships, those around them, and themselves.

How To Spot a Narcissist: 8 Signs To Look Out For

Most signs of a narcissist revolve around their tendency to focus on their own needs, rather than those of others. On an appropriate dose, focusing on yourself can be quite healthy. However, narcissists are more likely to engage in this behaviour more often and intensely; often to the point where it can cause harm to those around them.

1. Lack of Empathy

A narcissist lacks the ability to feel how someone else is feeling. They are also often unable to understand other people’s perspectives. They lack the ability to make you feel understood and validated. In addition, they have a lack of remorse, compassion and understanding of others.

2. Grandiosity

They think they are more important than others, more superior. They believe the 'world revolves around them.' This can often show itself as confidence. A sense of grandiosity often leads them to seek admiration by others. Narcissists love compliments and need a lot of attention. It adds to their sense of self-worth and esteem.

3. Unapologetic

Being arrogant and having a “holier than thou” attitude is characteristic of a narcissist. There is no way of compromising with a narcissist because to them, they are always right and unapologetically so. They think they are never wrong, and therefore never apologise—unless they see it is a way to manipulate you for their gain.

4. Sensitivity / Overreaction to Criticism

Narcissists explode at the slightest criticism. Anything that puts their reputation or self-esteem in harm's way will result in an overreaction. Instead of accepting blame, they will deflect and blame others.

5. Manipulative

Narcissists are often smart and observant. A narcissist can be very skilled at finding your weak points and push at the most vulnerable parts of yourselves. In a relationship, for example, a narcissist will view love as conditional because they want control over you.
​

A specific form of manipulation that a narcissist will use is gaslighting. A narcissist will lie, accuse others (falsely), adapt the truth and cause you to doubt your reality and your truth. This can lead you to feel more anxious in yourself, feel like you are always wrong and less like the person you used to be.

6. Self-Centred

A narcissist has an inflated sense of self. They believe they are superior to others, and expect others to know this. They like to talk about themselves and their accomplishments because it makes them feel better than others. They will spend a lot of time talking about themselves, and less time listening to you.

7. Preoccupation with Outward Appearance

Appearance, wealth, fame, and success are at the forefront of a narcissist's mind. Paired with their self-centredness, how they appear to others is extremely important. A narcissist often lacks integrity and ethics that others would find natural and acceptable. Traits including vanity, pridefulness and self-righteousness are also some that you would find in a narcissist.

8. Poor Emotional Regulation

Narcissists are sensitive to anything that can harm their self-esteem. They can be vindictive, lash out, and be explosive. This includes aggressive impulses and being fragile psychologically.

7 Ways to Handle a Narcissist

If you are reading this article, chances are that there is someone in your life that displays (some of) the signs we discuss above. Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, but there are some strategies that we can use in order to protect ourselves and our mental wellbeing.

1. Set boundaries

This is one of the most important ways to handle a narcissist. Setting clear boundaries is not only important for a narcissist, but also for yourself. It shows the narcissist what you are willing to accept and what you are not. It also is important for your sense of self and comfort. It will most likely upset the narcissist, but remember it’s not on you to handle a person’s emotions.

2. Foster awareness

Find out more about narcissists. Be aware of their behaviours. Understand their strengths and their weaknesses. In doing so, you will be more aware of their triggers, their intentions and how to handle them. This will also help you have realistic expectations about them and how they behave.

3. Be aware of your use of language

Narcissists are not keen on feedback—especially any criticism—even if it is constructive. Try to reword comments in a positive way. Keep in mind that what you say can result in an overreaction on the part of the narcissist.

4. Hold them accountable

Stay calm and stand your ground. If there is something you need to address or are uncomfortable with, make it known. Be clear and concise. Try not to argue or be too confronting though. You want them to understand what you are saying, but not at the risk of having conflict. Most likely, they will not accept the accountability, but paired with the setting of your boundaries and an awareness of your use of language, you will make your position known.

5. Remind them of your boundaries

Keep reinforcing those boundaries. Avoid letting those boundaries slip. If a narcissist can see a crack in the wall, they may try to break through. Remember your values, your morals, and your beliefs.

6. Stay calm

Being reactive will only lead to an escalation. Try to stay calm if they try to get a rise out of you or gaslight you. If they become aggressive—whether it be passive or not—take a deep breath and stay calm. Try practising mindfulness, meditation, or deep breathing regularly to help you. Or, try some ABC’s to keep a level-head.

7. Get some support

Interacting with a narcissist can lead to a lot of self-doubt and insecurity. You will need the support from those around you to help you through those low moments. Make sure to share how you are feeling with your support network and ask for help if you need it. Also, do not hesitate to contact a mental health professional or coach if you need an extra hand dealing with the situation.

Final Message

Being around someone with narcissism or narcissistic traits takes a lot of work and requires a certain set of emotional skills. It can be frustrating and emotionally challenging. You may feel as though your whole life revolves around them, and thereby exhausted by their demands. It may take quite some time and effort, but keep going at it. Practice those tips and keep strong. Protect yourself, set boundaries and stick to them. If you feel like it is going out of hand, take a step back. Your wellbeing is important too. Take care and, remember, you are not alone.

What's Next

  • Join AntiLoneliness Academy, and find the tools to better face your current challenges
  • If perfectionism is getting in the way of having fulfilling relationships, get the FREE guide "How Much of a Perfectionist Are You?" and find out which perfectionist tendencies you struggle with.
  • Sign up for my newsletter here and get the FREE 40-page guide/workbook on Self-Care filled with practical tips that can make your life more peaceful and balanced.  
  • For Book recommendations on narcissism:
    • Disarming the Narcissist
    • The Language of Letting Go
    • Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
    • Codependent No more
  • Watch our videos with Psychology tips and insights on Burnout, Relationships, Perfectionism, Anxiety, etc. ​
  • Don't let your situation pull you down, contact me and start your own therapy journey.
  • Join our Facebook page and Instagram page and read more posts about self-development.
Picture
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Relationships

    YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.

    To be with someone else in an intimate relationship means that we entitle them with our love, friendship, partnership, etc, and most of the times this is irrelevant of their talents, values, morals. No skill can lead to an emotional decision. Therefore, we can feel the same passion for a hero or for a coward. Being loved is not something we earned (like a job through an interview), but something that was given to us generously, like an unspoken favor. Thus, love means to live in the eternal coexistence of terror and miracle. (Pascal Bruckner)

    Archives

    December 2022
    November 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    October 2021
    September 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    March 2021
    September 2020
    September 2019
    June 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    February 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015

    Categories

    All
    Anger
    Angry
    Anxiety
    Anxious Attachment
    Apologize
    Appreciation
    Attachment
    Avoidance
    Avoidant
    Balance
    Boundaries
    Breakup
    Childhood
    Codependent
    Commitment
    Complicated
    Conflict
    Connection
    Counseling
    Couple
    Couples
    Couples Therapy
    Dating
    Dating Someone With Depression
    Denial
    Disconnection
    Divorce
    Divorce Support Group
    Emotional Needs
    Emotions
    Empathy
    Fear
    Feelings
    Fight
    Forgiveness
    Functioning Depression
    Gaslighting
    Gay
    Giref
    Guilt
    High Functioning Depression Symptoms
    How To Move On
    How To Support Someone With Depression
    Independent
    Interdependent
    Kindness
    Lgbtq+
    Loneliness
    Lonely
    Love
    Marriage
    Mindfulness
    Narcissism
    Narcissist
    Not Good Enough
    Partner
    Pattern
    Perfectionism
    Perfectionist
    Perfect Partner
    Persistent Depressive Disorder
    Persistent Depressive Disorder Symptoms
    Process
    Protection
    Psychologist
    Pursuer
    Rejected
    Rejection
    Relationships
    Responsibility
    Roles
    Rollercoaster
    Sad
    Safety
    Self-worth
    Separation
    Shocked
    Signs
    Support
    Tips
    Toxic
    Trust
    Unconscious
    Understanding
    Unloved
    Vassia Sarantopoulou
    Victim
    Withdraw
    Withdrawer

    RSS Feed

Counseling

Personal Counseling
Couples Counseling
OnLine Counseling 
​
GROUP COUNSELING 

​Grief Support
Divorce Support 
​Therapy Group 

Blog

Loneliness
​Self-Development
Relationships
​Family 

About

Me
​My Team
Contact 
​The Cards
Privacy Policy ​
NIP Psycholoog
Vassia Sarantopoulou
Head Psychologist - Founder of AntiLoneliness

​Therapy for expats and locals 
Leiden - The Hague - online 
​

Member of the Netherlands Institute of Psychologists (NIP)

© COPYRIGHT 2022. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.