ANTI-LONELINESS
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Counseling
    • Personal Counseling & Therapy
    • Couples Counseling
    • OnLine Counseling
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
      • Therapy Group
      • Relationship Detox Group
      • Inner Peace Support Group
      • Emotional Eating Support Group
      • Student Support Group
      • Registration
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
      • Book Club
    • CARDS
  • Contact
  • Academy

9 ways that perfectionism can lead to burnout

12/9/2020

0 Comments

 

9 ways that perfectionism can lead to burnout

Perfectionism leads to burnout
First of all, let’s clear out a really common misunderstanding.
We believe that perfectionism is a healthy mindset that leads to perfect results, perfect achievements, perfect life, to perfection.
However, the truth is somewhat different: perfectionism is the stress we feel in order to be perceived as perfect by others or ourselves and the exhausting effort we put in order to deal with that stress.
In other words, perfectionism feels like we are not enough and we need to try more in order to become so. And when we say “try”, we mean try a lot. 

The negative consequences of perfectionism are plenty, and here we will focus on one of the most common ones: burnout. Our mental well-being is at stake because perfectionism can become a pervasive way of thinking that inevitably affects our relationships with others, our relationship with ourselves, our growth, our happiness and our inner peace. How is perfectionism related to burnout?  

1. Looking for trouble.

Being a perfectionist means that you want to prevent your project (also: your relationship, your work, your reputation) from “going south”. In order to do so, you are trying to predict all the worst cases scenarios and be prepared for them. As you can understand, your mental antennas are scanning all the time the situations around and ahead of you in order to find trouble. This kind of negative thinking, though, stays with you, becomes your way of living. You are only thinking of what could go wrong and overlooking what is going alright. But we are not wired to look at the negative side of life only. This one-sided negative way of thinking leads sooner or later to anxiety, depression, burnout, together with a bunch of physical symptoms of fatigue. 

2. All by myself.

A perfectionist has somehow learned -and still believes- that in order to prove that they have done a good job, they need to do it all by themselves. If they ask for help and they get it, this means that they have compromised their effort, and that’s a declaration of weakness. Behind that decision, there is a strong all-or-nothing mindset: “Either I can do it all by myself or I can’t do it at all”. They want to be seen as strong, self-reliant and confident, and that leaves them struggling on their own for a long time. Moreover, they want to take the full credit of whatever they are putting effort on, so that’s another reason they don’t ask for help. 

3. The grass is greener.

Another strong factor that leads a perfectionist into a burnout is comparisons. As we said in the beginning, a perfectionist is trying to be (seen as) the best. That means that they need to be aware all the time of how the competition is doing. They are always checking what the other colleague did, what the other mom did, what the other partner did, in order to counter-respond with something better and more impressive. That is exhausting, though, as you can understand, because there will always be someone who has done something more or in a better way, and chasing after that is just a bottomless pit. 

4. Raising the bar.

A perfectionist will be always oriented towards growth and increasing their potential. And there is nothing wrong with that. However, there is a thin line between growing and being restless. Perfectionists most of the time set a new goal before they complete the current one. As you can understand, there is an overlap between the old and the new, and therefore it is really hard for them to see that they have achieved a goal already, and that now they are moving to the next chapter. What is interesting also is that when a perfectionist completes a goal and they are congratulated for that, they almost always respond with a deflating answer, such as “It was not that great..” or “That was just basic for me”, and that happens because they have already raised the bar for themselves. Can you imagine how easily they could burnout because of that strategy? 

5. No break for me.

Perfectionism leads to Burnout
A perfectionist rarely takes a break. It may seem sometimes that they are on a break, doing other activities, but this is not a real break. This is just procrastination: they have been struggling with a difficult task or role, and therefore they are now distracting themselves with something else, while holding a lot of guilt inside them and feeling bad about not doing what they are supposed to. A perfectionism doesn’t see the value in self-care, and therefore they don’t create time for themselves and for the activities they like. Not having a break, though, from such an exhausting and demanding agenda is not sustainable. A healthy mind cannot exist without a respectful amount of breaks, rest and pleasant activities. Our system will protest sooner or later, one way or another.  

6. It's all about the achievement.

A perfectionist is strongly oriented towards achievements, accomplishments, results and visible growth. What’s wrong with that? Well, on one hand this is what we all want. To grow and develop. On the other hand, a perfectionist cannot enjoy the space in between or towards the achievements. A manager working on a project will be only satisfied when she has the desired result and even if the team worked really well and there were several wins during the project, this will not count for her. A person who learns drawing will not be happy and relaxed while drawing, but only if the ending result will be a painting worth to be hung on the wall of a gallery. Not enjoying the process and not rewarding ourselves for the things we learn and not only for the things we achieve can lead to burnout, as we will inevitably be too often disappointed with ourselves, with things going slowly or with things we can’t control. 

7. Work-Life balance: 1-0

A perfectionist is, as we said above, task- and result-oriented. That means that many perfectionists among us can be also recognised as workaholics. They work long hours, they talk only about work, they meet people only if they are related to work, they think about work even when they are with friends and family. In short, it’s all about work-work-work.
​However, putting personal life aside doesn’t help with our mental balance. There is no time to decompress, to socialise, to let go of stressful thoughts, to build relationships, to see the big picture. Now, if one has nothing to hang on to in his personal life (because no time was devoted to that) and at the same time there is a setback at work (the work that they have put so much effort on), can you imagine how stressful and shattering that scenario may be? 

8. No celebration

A perfectionist doesn’t celebrate the victorious moments of their life. If you ask them about their successes, they would say that they were happy but they didn’t “do anything special about it”. They are also not so comfortable with compliments. In fact, they would try to turn the attention to someone else: “It was because of my wife/husband that I finished my course successfully”. Now, if a perfectionist spends so much time working on a project and at the same time having no time for the reward, the celebration, the praise, the validation, the acknowledgement, how is it possible that they would find the motivation to continue? Sooner or later, they will be depleted of their drive, their passion and their motivation. A.k.a. burnout. 

9. Low self-confidence

Taking into consideration all the above, we can understand a little bit more about the psychology of a perfectionist: a person who stresses how others see him and whether he lacks or is behind in comparison to them, who ruminates over negative possible scenarios, who raises the expectations for himself all the time, who beats himself up all the time, who has little leverage from his personal life, who doesn’t give himself a pat on the back, who constantly doubts and questions his own worth. As a result, as you can imagine, his self-confidence is really low (even though he is projecting a powerful and confident image to others) and he is definitely yearning for acceptance. 

Perfectionism doesn’t lead to perfection. It leads to burnout.

The sooner we notice all these micro-behaviors and the negative thoughts that start creeping into our life, the better protected we will become in order to avoid a burnout, anxiety or depression, or other symptoms such as sleeping or health problems associated with stress that has been accumulated for a long time.
Our suggestion: Start changing some of the old (unhealthy) habits, connect with the people around you, spare yourself some me-time, try mindfulness, connect with nature, talk to a therapist, talk to a friend, and recalibrate your life for more inner peace and balance. 

Take action now.

  • Would you like to learn more about Perfectionism and how you can turn it from a stressful, never-ending battle to a healthy and balanced behavior? Join our workshop "The traps of Perfectionism, the gifts of Imperfection". 
    • Student tickets available. 
    • Discounted fees for attendands of other workshops 
  • ​Get the book The Gift of Imperfection, by Brene Brown, one of the most helpful books for leaving the toxic perfection behind us. 
  • Read our blog article about Perfectionism in the Family here. 
  • Send us your story of Perfectionism at info@antiloneliness.com and win a voucher of 20% discount for one of our workshops. 
  • Don't let anxiety pull you down, contact me and book a counseling session in order to get you out of this negative circle. 
  • Join our Facebook page and Instagram page and read more posts about self-development. ​
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Self-Development

    TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.


    Know Yourself. 
    YOU are responsible for how you feel. The others behave in the way they want, but they have nothing to do with the way you perceive their behavior and consequently how you feel. 
    It's merely your decision. 

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Achievement
    Addiction
    Alone
    Anger
    Angry
    Antiloneliness
    Anxiety
    Apps
    Attachment
    Autism
    Avoidance
    Balance
    Belonging
    Blocking Feelings
    Books
    Burnout
    Calm
    Cbt
    Change
    Childhood
    Christmas
    Colouring Book
    Comfort Zone
    Comparisons
    Compassion
    Compassionate
    Confusion
    Connection
    Control
    Copping Strategies
    Coronavirus
    Counseling
    Critic
    Decision
    Decision Making
    Decision-making
    Denial
    Depression
    Disappointment
    Discomfort
    Discomfrot
    Eating Disorders
    Emotional Awareness
    Emotional Eating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Emotional Needs
    Emotions
    Empathy
    Expat Life
    Failure
    Family
    Fear
    Fears
    Feelings
    Focus
    Food
    Freedom
    Goal
    Good Enough
    Grief
    Guilt
    Happiness
    High Standards
    Holidays
    Hope
    Hopelessness
    Imperfection
    Inner Critic
    Inner Peace
    Joy
    Kindness
    Life
    Loneliness
    Love
    Meaning
    Meditation
    Mental Health
    Migraine
    Mindfulness
    Motivation
    Negative Thinking
    Negative Thoughts
    New Year Resolution
    Not Alone
    Other People's Opinion
    Pain
    Pandemic
    Panic Attacks
    Parenting
    Parents
    Partner
    Perfectionism
    Perfectionist
    Procrastination
    Psychologist
    Psychology
    Psychosomatics
    Psychosomatic Symptoms
    Relationships
    Relief
    Rest
    Sadness
    Safety
    Scared
    Self Awareness
    Self-compassion
    Self Confidence
    Shock
    Sleep
    Smartphones
    Social Media
    Stress
    Struggling
    Suffer
    Suffering
    Support
    Suppression
    Technology
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Threat
    Trauma
    Trust
    Uncertainty
    Values
    Vassia Sarantopoulou
    What To Do
    Work Life Balance
    Workshop

    RSS Feed

Counseling

Personal Counseling
Couples Counseling
OnLine Counseling 
​
GROUP COUNSELING 

​Grief Support
Divorce Support 
​Therapy Group 

Workshops

On Parenting  
On Relationships
On Self-Development
​
On The Cards

Blog

Loneliness
​Self-Development
Relationships
​Family 

About

Me
​My Team
​The Project 
Contact 
​The Cards
Loneliness
Privacy Policy ​
NIP Psycholoog
Vassia Sarantopoulou
Head Psychologist - Founder of AntiLoneliness

​Therapy for expats and locals 
Leiden - The Hague - Utrecht - Rotterdam - online 
​

Member of the Netherlands Institute of Psychologists (NIP)

© COPYRIGHT 2017. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Counseling
    • Personal Counseling & Therapy
    • Couples Counseling
    • OnLine Counseling
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
      • Therapy Group
      • Relationship Detox Group
      • Inner Peace Support Group
      • Emotional Eating Support Group
      • Student Support Group
      • Registration
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
      • Book Club
    • CARDS
  • Contact
  • Academy