Imagine your best friend going through a tough period in their life: they just got fired from their dream job, and they believe they are completely incapable of anything. “I am so useless and stupid! I cannot do anything right!”, they tell you. And now think: how would you react? You likely see yourself rushing to your friend’s side: you comfort them, support them. You tell them that many people feel this way after losing their job. You try to reassure them and tell them that they are being too harsh on themselves. But now imagine that this “best friend” is you. Would you do the same to yourself?

We would probably all like to imagine doing the same for ourselves, but the reality is usually a little bit different than that. Many of us find it easier to be there for others than to be there for ourselves when times are tough: it feels easier and more acceptable for us to be compassionate to others than to show that compassion for ourselves. But what is self-compassion anyways?

As perfectionists, we tend to think that perfection is in fact something that is attainable and feasible. However, life is not that simple. The idea of perfection might just be something that solely exists in our heads, and this idea is ever-changing. One day we might think that perfection means getting our dream job, but when we actually get this job, it might not be what we wished for. So, we change our goals, and once again try to strive for this abstract concept of perfection. And, the never-ending strive for perfection continues. So, let's back up and ask ourselves: is perfection even possible? And, if it is not, then why do we try so hard to achieve it?

Many clients say to me: “I need to stop feeling guilty” or “I just want this guilt to go away”. For me these are very interesting statements that require more exploration, and I hope by reading this you will get more of an understanding why.
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Through my study and practice of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), I feel that I have developed my understanding of the nature of guilt and how it can be confused with shame. We may say that we are feeling guilt for something, when really what we are experiencing is shame. This is an important distinction to make, so, this blog starts with firstly understanding what shame is.