ANTI-LONELINESS
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Services
    • Therapy & Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Supervision
    • Internship
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
  • Academy
    • Academy for All
    • All Courses
    • From Conflict to Connection
    • How to stop Perfectionism
    • How much of a Perfectionist are you?
    • Burnout Recovery: from exhaustion to resilience
    • How to stop Procrastinating
    • Σεμιναριο για τις σχεσεις
    • Divorce Recovery Programme
    • Grief Recovery Programme
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • Extra Resources
    • In the Media
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
    • CARDS
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Services
    • Therapy & Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Supervision
    • Internship
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
  • Academy
    • Academy for All
    • All Courses
    • From Conflict to Connection
    • How to stop Perfectionism
    • How much of a Perfectionist are you?
    • Burnout Recovery: from exhaustion to resilience
    • How to stop Procrastinating
    • Σεμιναριο για τις σχεσεις
    • Divorce Recovery Programme
    • Grief Recovery Programme
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • Extra Resources
    • In the Media
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
    • CARDS
  • Contact

On Healthy Anger: Why Do We Suppress This Normal Emotion?

27/5/2022

0 Comments

 

On Healthy Anger: Why Do We Suppress This Normal Emotion?

Picture
Our society has a complex relationship with anger. On the one hand, we frown upon it and equate it to violent outbursts and harmful behaviors. On the other hand, it is an entirely normal emotion that we all feel at some time or another.

​So, why is it that most of us have decided that this supremely common emotion should be suppressed and locked inside our minds? Why are we afraid of expressing anger and processing it as we do with any other emotion? Today we will delve into the world of anger and discover how suppressing it can be harmful to our mental health and relationships. We will also discuss how to begin your journey towards accepting anger and expressing it in a healthy and productive way.

What is Anger According to Psychology

Anger is one of the most common emotions. It is present across cultures, societies and throughout generations. While the expression of anger can be harmful in certain contexts (aka through aggression), it can also be a helpful and prosocial emotion that allows us to improve our relationships and even our society. For instance, moral anger allows us to express our discontent towards things that violate the social mores and can help communities develop. Similarly, expressing anger to our significant others can help us voice our needs and dissatisfaction in the hope to foster more fulfilling relationships.

​The problem with anger does not have anything to do with anger as an emotion itself. We fear anger because of the unhealthy behavioral expressions of it. That is, we dislike anger because of how some people express it through violence and aggression. However, anger itself is a natural emotion and suppressing it can have negative consequences for our mental and physical health. So, why do we tend to suppress our anger?

Why Do We Suppress Anger?

This topic is something that is not very openly discussed. Usually, we think about anger in the context of anger management for people that are explosive and aggressive. We tend to think of people that over-express their anger, while we do not hear a lot about how can we stop suppressing the anger. So, let's take a few steps back and ask ourselves why do we suppress our anger in the first place? Understanding the reasons behind this is the first step towards learning how to manage our anger and express it in a healthy way. So, let's delve into the three prime reasons why we suppress our anger.

1. Our Beliefs

We tend to readily suppress anger due to the beliefs we hold about anger itself. These beliefs refer to what we have learned about anger. From a young age, we have heard many messages telling us to not get angry, that it is not polite, and that it is unkind. When someone expresses their anger, they are told to be nicer, and that they do not need to voice their needs. We are routinely told to not be assertive, to not complain and to simply be nice. So, throughout time, we have internalized these beliefs and started equating anger with being mean and unpleasant.

2. Our Experience

The second reason why we suppress our anger is linked to our history and past experiences. For instance, during our early childhood we would readily express our anger, frustration and irritation. These healthy expressions were then followed by dismissive comments from the adults that surrounded us. They would tell us, for example, that we are acting dramatic, that we are too sensitive, or that we are reading too much into it. Therefore, at a young age we learned that there is something wrong with expressing anger. We began to rationalize that the problem lies in our anger, and not in the person that is stepping on our boundaries, for instance. We then thought that the problem lies on us, and, thus, we developed the idea that showing our anger is not the right way to go about it.

3. Observing Others

The third potential reason why we learned to suppress anger is grounded on how others behave. For instance, take that you witnessed people in your family or close surroundings being aggressive, explosive, or abusive when they felt angry. You might have then thought that this is the only way people express their anger. Subsequently, you thought to yourself that you do not want to behave this way, that you want to be a better person and not hurt others. Due to this, you decided to lock the anger within yourself as you believed that anger only brings negativity to those around you.

The Dangers of Suppressing Anger

The three reasons above describe the ways in which our experiences and beliefs shaped us and led us to internalize the idea that anger is wrong. However, as we discussed, the consequences of suppressing anger can be very detrimental for our wellbeing. Keeping this normal emotion bottled inside of us is not helpful and it does not make it vanish. Rather, it forces it to stay inside us and fester into an accumulation of unprocessed feelings and thoughts. Over time, this accumulation grows and the unescapable consequence is that one day we might explode. These bottled emotions can explode and culminate in an outburst or even a state of depression. It can also damage our relationships as we never openly discussed what we needed. As we are too afraid of expressing our anger and discontent, we neglect to communicate to others what we need and want out of a relationship. With time, it can develop into resentment and, ultimately, damage our relationships.

Towards Healthy Anger: 3 Tips To Stop Suppressing It

But, all is not lost, we can all learn how to effectively communicate and express our anger (and other emotions). Humans are malleable creatures that can grow, learn, and develop. So, how can we learn to express our anger in a more healthy manner? Here we share some tips.

Reframe Your Idea of Anger

The first step towards learning how to express anger in a more healthy way is to reframe our thoughts about anger itself. By this we refer to start seeing the positive consequences of expressing anger. Brainstorm and list the positive outcomes that expressing your anger can cause. For instance, one can be that it is a way to protect your relationships. Through the expression of anger, we share our boundaries, what we like and dislike, and we communicate what we want and need. All of these seemingly small actions can amount into fostering a caring and respectful relationship that, ultimately, will be more fulfilling for everyone involved.

Set Boundaries

A second tip is to set boundaries with others, especially with people that are dismissive when you express your anger. This refers to those that might tell you that you are being too overdramatic, that it is not so bad, and tell you to not get upset. By setting boundaries, you are communicating to yourself and others that there is nothing wrong about feeling and expressing anger. That it is okay, valid, and natural to feel this way. You could clearly communicate this to others by stating that you are being respectful and simply sharing what you feel, want and would like. You can ask them to not make you feel bad about your feelings and validate yourself. The latter is especially important as when we feel bad about our emotions, we are dismissing and betraying ourselves. We are actually hiding a part of ourselves and rejecting it. So, setting boundaries serves to protect your mental health and self-confidence.

Let Go of Your Past Experiences

The third and final thing we can do in order to learn to stop suppressing anger and begin expressing it is to start disconnecting our past experiences from our present selves. Just because you saw somebody being explosive or abusive does not mean that if you decide to express your anger you are going to be abusive. The simple act of reading this article demonstrates that you are willing to learn new ways to express your anger and that you are not going to behave like the abusive people you have witnessed in the past. So, try to let go of these unhelpful beliefs and reassure yourself that you will not go down the same path.

Take Home Message

As we have learned, anger is an entirely normal emotion that serves a purpose in our social and personal lives. Suppressing it causes more harm than good, and therefore, we must equip ourselves with the tools to learn to express our anger in a healthy way. If you need any help along your journey, we would be happy to lend a helping hand. Join our AntiLoneliness Academy and learn how to let go of your limiting beliefs and headstart your path towards a more fulfilling life. And, always remember, you are not alone. Take care. 

What's Next

  • Join AntiLoneliness Academy, and find the tools to learn how to express anger in a health way.
  • If perfectionism is getting in the way of pursuing your dreams, get the FREE guide "How Much of a Perfectionist Are You?" and find out which perfectionist tendencies you struggle with.
  • Sign up for my newsletter here and get the FREE 40-page guide/workbook on Self-Care filled with practical tips that can make your life more peaceful and balanced.  
  • ​Books and resources recommendations:​​
    • It Didn't Start with You
    • The Anxiety and Worry Workbook
    • Don't believe everything you feel
    • Wherever you go, there you are 
    • Practicing Mindfulness
    • Mindfulness workbook for teens
    • ​Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers
  • Watch our videos with Psychology tips and insights.
  • Don't let anger pull you down, contact me and start your own therapy journey.
  • Join our Facebook page and Instagram page and read more posts about self-development. 
Picture
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Self-Development

    TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.


    Know Yourself. 
    YOU are responsible for how you feel. The others behave in the way they want, but they have nothing to do with the way you perceive their behavior and consequently how you feel. 
    It's merely your decision. 

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Achievement
    Addiction
    Alone
    Anger
    Angry
    Antiloneliness
    Anxiety
    Apps
    Attachment
    Autism
    Avoidance
    Balance
    Belonging
    Blocking-feelings
    Blocking-feelings
    Body
    Books
    Boundaries
    Brain
    Broken Heart
    Burnout
    Busy Women
    Calm
    Cbt
    Change
    Childhood
    Christmas
    Colouring-book
    Comfort-zone
    Comparisons
    Compassion
    Compassionate
    Confusion
    Connection
    Control
    Cope
    Coping-mechanism
    Coping Mechanisms
    Copping Strategies
    Coronavirus
    Counseling
    Critic
    Criticism
    Cycle Of Negative Thinking
    Cycle Of Negativity
    Decision
    Decision-making
    Decision-making
    Delaying
    Denial
    Depressed
    Depression
    Disappointment
    Discomfort
    Discomfrot
    Eating Disorders
    Emotional Awareness
    Emotional Eating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Emotional Needs
    Emotional Support Animal
    Emotional Triggers
    Emotions
    Empath
    Empathy
    Escape Negative Thinking
    Expat Life
    Express Anger
    Failure
    Family
    Fear
    Fear-of-failure
    Fears
    Feelings
    Focus
    Food
    Forest Therapy
    Freedom
    Gerascophobia
    Giving Up
    Goal
    Good Enough
    Grateful
    Grief
    Guilt
    Gutbrain-connection
    Gut-feeling
    Happiness
    Help
    Highly Sensitive Person
    High Standards
    Holidays
    Hope
    Hopelessness
    How-to-make-the-right-decision
    Hsp
    Imperfection
    Inner Critic
    Inner-critic
    Inner Peace
    Intuition
    Joy
    Judging
    Kindness
    Laziness
    Learned Helplessness
    Learning
    Life
    Loneliness
    Love
    Make The Perect Decision
    Meaning
    Meditation
    Mental Health
    Migraine
    Mindfullness
    Mindfulness
    Mistakes
    Motivation
    Narcissism
    Nature
    Negative Spiral
    Negative Thinking
    Negative Thinking Pattern
    Negative Thoughts
    New Year Resolution
    Not Alone
    Other People's Opinion
    Pain
    Pandemic
    Panic Attacks
    Parenting
    Parents
    Partner
    Perfectionism
    Perfectionist
    Physical Symptoms
    Postponing
    Present
    Procrastination
    Psychologist
    Psychology
    Psychosomatics
    Psychosomatic-symptoms
    PTSD
    Relationships
    Relief
    Rest
    Ruminating
    Sadness
    Safety
    Scared
    Schemas
    Self Awareness
    Self Care
    Self Compassion
    Self-compassion
    Self Confidence
    Self-doubt
    Self Esteem
    Self-esteem
    Self Improvement
    Self-improvement
    Self Kindness
    Self-kindness
    Self Love
    Self-love
    Self Sabotage
    Sensitive
    Service Dog
    Shame
    Shock
    Signs
    Sleep
    Smartphones
    Social Media
    Stress
    Struggle
    Struggling
    Suffer
    Suffering
    Support
    Suppressed Anger
    Suppression
    Technology
    Therapy
    Therapy Dog
    The Right Decision
    Thinking
    Threat
    Time-management
    Tips
    Toxic Shame
    Trauma
    Trauma Response
    Trigger
    Trust
    Uncertainty
    Values
    Vassia-sarantopoulou
    Vassia-sarantopoulou
    What-to-do
    Women
    Work
    Workaholism
    Work Life Balance
    Workload
    Workplace
    Workplan
    Workshop
    Worrying

    RSS Feed

Counseling

Personal Counseling
Couples Counseling
OnLine Counseling 
​
GROUP COUNSELING 

​Grief Support
Divorce Support 
​Therapy Group 

Blog

Loneliness
​Self-Development
Relationships
​Family 

About

Me
​My Team
Contact 
​The Cards
Privacy Policy ​
NIP Psycholoog
Vassia Sarantopoulou
Head Psychologist - Founder of AntiLoneliness

​Therapy for expats and locals 
Leiden - The Hague - online 
​

Member of the Netherlands Institute of Psychologists (NIP)

© COPYRIGHT 2022. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.