ANTI-LONELINESS
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Services
    • Therapy & Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Supervision
    • Internship
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
  • Academy
    • Academy for All
    • All Courses
    • From Conflict to Connection
    • How to stop Perfectionism
    • How much of a Perfectionist are you?
    • Burnout Recovery: from exhaustion to resilience
    • How to stop Procrastinating
    • Σεμιναριο για τις σχεσεις
    • Divorce Recovery Programme
    • Grief Recovery Programme
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • Extra Resources
    • In the Media
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
    • CARDS
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
    • Me
    • Loneliness
    • The Project
    • My Team
    • Testimonials
    • Privacy Policy
  • Services
    • Therapy & Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Online Counseling
    • Supervision
    • Internship
    • Support Groups >
      • Divorce Support Group
      • Grief Support Group
  • Academy
    • Academy for All
    • All Courses
    • From Conflict to Connection
    • How to stop Perfectionism
    • How much of a Perfectionist are you?
    • Burnout Recovery: from exhaustion to resilience
    • How to stop Procrastinating
    • Σεμιναριο για τις σχεσεις
    • Divorce Recovery Programme
    • Grief Recovery Programme
  • Blog
    • Loneliness
    • Self-Development
    • Relationships
    • Family
  • RESOURCES
    • Extra Resources
    • In the Media
    • BOOKS >
      • Books for everyone
      • Books for professionals
    • CARDS
  • Contact

Lost Yourself in a Relationship? 5 Tips to Find Yourself Again

22/2/2022

0 Comments

 

Lost Yourself in a Relationship? 5 Tips to Find Yourself Again

How to find myself in a relationship
Relationships can be exciting. Comforting. Supportive. Help you grow as an individual. They can be a great space for self-discovery and self-development.
However, for one reason or another, instead of flourishing as an individual, you might catch yourself consumed by the relationship to the point that you cannot recognise yourself anymore. You end up spending every possible moment with your significant other and sacrifice things you used to enjoy, for the sake of activities with your partner. Because you have been putting so much focus on the needs and wishes of your partner and the relationship, you have forgotten about what you want, what makes you happy and what you want to achieve in life.

Such a disconnection from yourself can indeed make you feel lost and lonely despite being with a partner you love. And you feel lonely because you neglected the relationships with other people that are important to you: your friends, family, and most importantly, yourself.

Related:

Lonely vs Alone: What is Loneliness & How To Overcome It [ARTICLE]

5 Tips To Find Yourself Again

This article contains tips on how to find your individuality when you lose yourself in the relationship, but the tips can also be applied to prevent the loss from happening in the first place. If you have found yourself in these words, then this article is for you!

1. Know your attachment style

Understanding your attachment style and relationship dynamic may bring some clarity to why you ended up feeling lost in the relationship and can be the first step to finding yourself again. Take some time to think about your relationship.

How important is being in a relationship to you? You likely love your partner, but do you catch yourself worrying that they don’t love you back? Do you feel unimportant to your significant other? Do you feel like you must accommodate your partner’s needs and wishes to prove yourself as worthy of being their partner? Do you often crave your significant other’s approval, affection, and reassurance? If you find yourself answering yes to most of these questions, you likely have a Preoccupied attachment style.

Think about the origins of your attachment style and behaviors. It would be a good idea to disclose your attachment style to your partner and try to find out what kind of dynamic your relationship has. Discuss with your partner how you could support one another to reach a more secure attachment and a healthier relationship.

2. Stay in touch with your friends and family

Just because it might feel like your partner is the whole world to you, that doesn’t mean that other relationships should lay forgotten. Close people other than your partner can offer you a different view of yourself and provide you with support and resources. Your partner might be good at supporting you emotionally, but they can’t do that 24/7. Moreover, they also might need support from you from time to time. Learning to ask for support from friends and family can remove some of the responsibility from your partner’s shoulders.
​

It is important to stay in touch with people you care about, but sometimes do it without your partner. Spending time with friends and family without your partner changes the dynamic of the conversations and you will likely find yourself venturing into topics that never would have come up with your significant other being around.

3. Find things to enjoy on your own

Alongside maintaining connections, engaging in activities without your partner might help you get in touch with yourself again. Even though you may enjoy doing everything with your significant other, it is healthy to also have some time for yourself. Take this time to explore hobbies and classes you have put aside for the sake of activities with your partner.
​

Have you caught yourself wanting to go to the cinema to watch the movie, but your partner finds it boring? Wanting to go to the new art exhibit, but your partner doesn’t like modern art? Have you been looking at baking classes, but never ended up going because your partner doesn’t share the interest? Give these things a try! They are a perfect opportunity to rekindle old passions and hobbies or explore and find new interests. Engaging in activities by yourself can feel difficult and even overwhelming at first, but it can be a great way for self-discovery and empowerment. You can also turn this exploration into moments of bonding by inviting your friends or family.

Related:

​​Is it Love or Fear of Being Alone? 6 Signs to Look Out For [ARTICLE]

4. Don’t sacrifice yourself

So far, we have discussed finding yourself without your partner in the picture. However, they still are a part of your daily life. You may have noticed that you and your partner sometimes disagree on things. You might prefer spending your summer vacation by going to sunny beaches while your partner would rather replace the heat of the sun with the coolness of the mountains. And there is nothing wrong with that. You and your partner are different people, and you most likely won’t agree on everything. That’s why relationships are built on compromise. However, compromise is all about balance. Reflect on the compromises you and your significant other have made. Are you usually the one to accommodate, both for big and small things?
​

If you are inclined to answer with a “yes”, the reason why you have lost yourself in this relationship may be because you have been giving yourself away with every compromise between you and your partner. Reflect on the things that are important to you and set some boundaries. Furthermore, you and your partner may benefit from learning about the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries.

Related:

Setting Boundaries, Taking Control of your Life [COURSE]

5. Stay in touch with yourself and your values.

Take some time for yourself to reflect on what you find important in life besides your relationship. Reflect on what your values are and what the purpose of life is to you. Think about goals you wanted to achieve before you met your significant other. Do these goals still resonate with you? If they do, are they in tune with your values? How far along are you in making these ideas come true? What can you do in getting closer to these goals? How can your partner help in reaching them?
​

On the other hand, you may feel estranged from your old life goals. If so, think about new goals you would like to achieve that are in tune with your values and the person you are now and how you could achieve them.

Take action.

You don’t need to feel lost and lonely in your relationship. Focusing on your partner’s needs may come from best intentions. However, it slowly strips away your individuality because you keep neglecting the wishes and needs of your own. And you certainly don’t need to lose yourself to be with someone else. You can work on regaining your individuality and connection with yourself by following the steps above. And, if you ever need an extra hand, here at Antiloneliness we are happy to support you. Alternatively, couples counseling can also be an option for you. ​

What's Next?

  • Create the relationships you want and deserve. Join AntiLoneliness Academy and learn about relationships, boundaries, attachment styles, self-love, and become your own therapist! 
  • Get your FREE Guide "How much of a Perfectionist are you?" and find out which of the features you own are highly related to your Perfectionism.
  • Sign up for my newsletter here and get the FREE 40-page guide/workbook on Self-Care filled with practical tips that can make your life more peaceful and balanced.  ​
  • ​Book recommendations on Relationships, Emotional Trauma and Attachment Theory:
    • ​Attached 
    • Hold me tight 
    • Love sense 
    • Reinventing your life 
    • Running on empty
  • Watch our videos with Psychology tips and insights on Relationships, Perfectionism, Anxiety, Burnout, etc. 
  • Read more articles on Relationships, Self-Development, Loneliness, and Perfectionism here: Blog. ​
  • Don't let anxiety pull you down, contact me and start your own therapy journey in order to get you out of this negative circle. ​
  • Join our Facebook page and Instagram page and read more posts about self-development. ​
Written by Tena Mijic, intern psychologist at AntiLoneliness
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Relationships

    YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.

    To be with someone else in an intimate relationship means that we entitle them with our love, friendship, partnership, etc, and most of the times this is irrelevant of their talents, values, morals. No skill can lead to an emotional decision. Therefore, we can feel the same passion for a hero or for a coward. Being loved is not something we earned (like a job through an interview), but something that was given to us generously, like an unspoken favor. Thus, love means to live in the eternal coexistence of terror and miracle. (Pascal Bruckner)

    Archives

    December 2022
    November 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    October 2021
    September 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    March 2021
    September 2020
    September 2019
    June 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    February 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015

    Categories

    All
    Anger
    Angry
    Anxiety
    Anxious Attachment
    Apologize
    Appreciation
    Attachment
    Avoidance
    Avoidant
    Balance
    Boundaries
    Breakup
    Childhood
    Codependent
    Commitment
    Complicated
    Conflict
    Connection
    Counseling
    Couple
    Couples
    Couples Therapy
    Dating
    Dating Someone With Depression
    Denial
    Disconnection
    Divorce
    Divorce Support Group
    Emotional Needs
    Emotions
    Empathy
    Fear
    Feelings
    Fight
    Forgiveness
    Functioning Depression
    Gaslighting
    Gay
    Giref
    Guilt
    High Functioning Depression Symptoms
    How To Move On
    How To Support Someone With Depression
    Independent
    Interdependent
    Kindness
    Lgbtq+
    Loneliness
    Lonely
    Love
    Marriage
    Mindfulness
    Narcissism
    Narcissist
    Not Good Enough
    Partner
    Pattern
    Perfectionism
    Perfectionist
    Perfect Partner
    Persistent Depressive Disorder
    Persistent Depressive Disorder Symptoms
    Process
    Protection
    Psychologist
    Pursuer
    Rejected
    Rejection
    Relationships
    Responsibility
    Roles
    Rollercoaster
    Sad
    Safety
    Self-worth
    Separation
    Shocked
    Signs
    Support
    Tips
    Toxic
    Trust
    Unconscious
    Understanding
    Unloved
    Vassia Sarantopoulou
    Victim
    Withdraw
    Withdrawer

    RSS Feed

Counseling

Personal Counseling
Couples Counseling
OnLine Counseling 
​
GROUP COUNSELING 

​Grief Support
Divorce Support 
​Therapy Group 

Blog

Loneliness
​Self-Development
Relationships
​Family 

About

Me
​My Team
Contact 
​The Cards
Privacy Policy ​
NIP Psycholoog
Vassia Sarantopoulou
Head Psychologist - Founder of AntiLoneliness

​Therapy for expats and locals 
Leiden - The Hague - online 
​

Member of the Netherlands Institute of Psychologists (NIP)

© COPYRIGHT 2022. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.