This is a story, a pattern which comes up very frequently when talking with my (expat) clients, but also with people from my environment.
Let us consider two different people making the same decision. No one knows if it's right or wrong. Both move to a new country for an unspecified period. The first one struggles with life there: doesn't like the place, the weather, the system, the people, the traditions, the mentality. And when comparing the new life with the former one, the latter is always the winner. At the same time, he keeps asking himself: “Did I make the right decision?" In the end, he moves back to his home country with a feeling of relief, but also bitterness regarding the time “wasted” there.
On the other hand, the other person adjusts pretty well to the new place. He anticipated there would be difficulties in the beginning, but is ready to compromise and to try. And above all, never asks himself if he made the right decision.
When you wonder if you have made the right decision, I can assure you that there is no absolutely right or absolutely wrong one. To put it in another way,
>>The right decision is the one you choose to defend.<<
There is no win-win situation.
You have to give in something and to gain something else, whatever choice you make.
And for the same situation, one can choose this way and another can choose the other way, but both make the right decision, just because they defended their choices. And this can apply in every aspect of our life:
In relationships: One chooses to get out of a worn-out relationship and he wins from that; another chooses to fight for that kind of relationship and also wins from that.
In workplaces: One choose to see all the opportunities he has in his job and stay even when he feels discouraged; another chooses to change job and go for something more. Both decide to defend their choices.
No point system will help you make the decision.
If you think that a checklist with pros and cons will help, that is partly true. And partly wrong. Because we make decisions not only with our minds but also with our emotions, with our instincts, with our hearts. So if it seems right, but it doesn't feel right, then why go for it?
You end up where you are looking at.
If you keep saying to yourself that you made the wrong decision, then probably all the negative things keep popping up in front of you "confirming" your claim. In the end everything goes wrong, just as you "predicted". On the other hand, if you adopt a more optimistic, but still realistic perspective, expecting some obstacles, but also believing in your goal and appreciating what you gain through this decision, then your chances of making the most out of it, are huge!
The choice is yours.
You made the decision, so you cannot blame anyone for it. If you believe that you did it for someone else, then you feel powerless and you put yourself in the place of the victim. And in the end you feel angry with that. Don't prioritize first what others want, but what you want to achieve in the end. Get rid of the bias that comes into your decision-making.
Is it the best decision I can come up with?
This is difficult to say, because you don't know what is going to be the result of your efforts. It is possible that the more you try, the more satisfied you are with your decision. You don't have to find the best decision, but a good enough to start with.
This decision is the right one ONLY for the present time.
No one is in the position to tell or predict what is going to happen in the future. Maybe you change your mind. Maybe you have different needs and desires and goals and values and perspectives and priorities. You are not going to be the same person for the rest of your life. But for now, this decision is great, and that's OK.
What if I regret it? No, you shouldn't. Because it was the right thing you chose for a specific moment when you had specific needs and specific goals. If you regret that decision, you regret who you were back then when you made that decision. And, no, you don't regret that.
*LOOKING FOR SOME EXTRA INSPIRATION? I did some web searching about decision-making, and I found this post really inspiring: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-make-a-difficult-decision-30-tips-to-help-you-choose/
Do you need some help with defending your decisions? Mail me or contact me to arrange some meeting, in person or online. I would be glad to help! :-)
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TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.