We are hardwired for connection. Connection to others is a fundamental need we all have. It’s important to us to connect with others. This is especially true in romantic relationships. A relationship without connection makes it almost impossible to be intimate and have deep, meaningful conversations with one another.
What is codependency?
Codependency is an excessive reliance on your partner. This entails putting the needs of your partner above your own; or taking the full attention and care from the other. In a codependent relationship, often, one partner provides all the support, while the other has all their needs taken care of. In such a situation, one likes to feel needed (and therefore gives) and the other likes to be taken care of (and therefore takes). This leads to a pattern that enables both behaviours. In reality, this is considered rather unhealthy because both partners are exercising their insecure sense of self.
Signs & Ways to support them
Attachment theory was initially developed in the 1930s by British Psychologist John Bowlby. Bowlby observed the relationships between infants and their primary caregivers, usually their mothers. He investigated how their relationship was formed and developed during the years. Bowlby explored how the infant felt when their primary caregiver was around and what happened when the caregiver was not present. Similarly, he analyzed the reactions of the infant when the caregiver returned. Building on Bowlby's theory and research, psychologist Mary Ainsworth categorized the different behavioral patterns exhibited by infants into four different attachment style groups. Bowlby and Ainsworth hypothesized that the emotional bond we form during our childhood with our caregivers would serve as a template for our adult relationships. The style we develop during our childhood will affect how we relate to our partners and friends for the rest of our lives.
Anxious Attachment in Relationships: 7 Ways To Support Your Partner
Are they ignoring me?”
“Did I say something that made them not respond to my text immediately?”
“They’re going to break up with me…”
“I am leaving the room. It’s clear they don’t care about me.”
These are the kind of thoughts that can go through the mind of an anxiously attached individual. Before we get deeper into what it means to have anxious attachment, let’s have a look at what an attachment style is…
What NOT To Do After a Breakup or Divorce: 7 Helpful Tips
Human beings love routines. We prefer a safe and known environment, such as the city that we have been living in for years or the long term relationships that we have for years. These routines include not only daily life activities but also the people we chat, hang out, and spend most time with. Therefore you can imagine how challenging it is when we go through big life changes such as breaking up or having a divorce.
Whether you want it or not, breaking up with a person you loved can turn your world upside down and cause so many different emotions in a short span of time. A breakup or divorce is not just a process of two people splitting up, but also a process of loss and grief. You lost your hopes or plans for the future and the commitments or promises that you made with that person. Because of this flood of emotions, it's normal if you might feel like acting on your anger or other overwhelming emotions. And that's why we are here: to suggest alternative and healthier options.
Why Do Relationships Fail? 4 Examples of Toxic Behaviors
11 Ways to Support a Partner with High-Functioning Depression
It's common to feel confused, lonely, or hurt when you watch someone you love go through a hard time. Even more so, it is natural to feel a sense of concern for a loved one who is experiencing symptoms of depression and to wonder what the best way to support them is.
You’re not alone in this process. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), in the United States, in 2017, 17.3 million adults over the age of 18 lived with depression. In addition, Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) affects approximately 1.5 percent of the U.S. population in a given year (about 3.3 million American adults).
Anxious Attachment in Relationships: How To Become Secure
Lost Yourself in a Relationship? 5 Tips to Find Yourself Again
Relationships can be exciting. Comforting. Supportive. Help you grow as an individual. They can be a great space for self-discovery and self-development.
However, for one reason or another, instead of flourishing as an individual, you might catch yourself consumed by the relationship to the point that you cannot recognise yourself anymore. You end up spending every possible moment with your significant other and sacrifice things you used to enjoy, for the sake of activities with your partner. Because you have been putting so much focus on the needs and wishes of your partner and the relationship, you have forgotten about what you want, what makes you happy and what you want to achieve in life.
10 Red Flags in Relationships - A Couples Therapist Explains
We don’t know anything about relationships until the moment we enter them. That’s the point when we start figuring out that there is a big difference between “love” as an abstract concept and “love” as a conscious, proactive, mindful decision. Unfortunately, sometimes we learn all those lessons about relationships through the hard way: we break up, we get rejected, we get abandoned, we get betrayed, we get traumatised, we get hurt, we get divorced, we lose ourselves in the relationships.
But how can we know whether a relationship is a “thumbs-up” or a “no-go”?
Have you ever met someone who presented themselves as a highly empathetic person but the more you got to know them, you realized this was only a facade, more like a mask and in reality their intentions and actions were self-serving? Let me introduce you to the covert narcissist.
If you know about narcissism, you probably already know that narcissists are notorious for their sense of entitlement, their extreme need for approval, and this feeling of grandiosity around them. At the same time, they show little empathy for others. The covert narcissist has all these elements and traits, but, at the same time, they hide it very well. They play with humility, and they are, of course, very sensitive to what other people think of them.
"Don't leave when I'm talking to you!"
"This is so much pressure, I miss being single..."
"I'm afraid you don't care for me as you used to..."
"I need some space! You're suffocating me!"
These are some typical phrases of partners of insecure attachment styles and they show not only how they view their partner but also how they are trying to protect themselves in the relationship.
Have you heard of the term "attachment style" before?
Do you have a dismissive, preoccupied, fearful-avoidant or a secure attachment style?
If you do not know what this is all about, then this article is just for you.
Here we will explore attachment theory, discuss the different attachment styles and what each one of them means in adult relationships.
Have you ever met a person that was afraid of commitment? Or, perhaps you are a person that is scared of committing to your loved one.
Maybe you constantly ask yourself if you are with the wrong person and find yourself pulling away any time there is intimacy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with commitment phobia, then this article is for you.
How to overcome perfectionism in your relationship: 5 ways
What is Perfectionism in Psychology
You have probably heard about perfectionism and its most common traits: attention to detail, strive for perfection, unrelenting standards, wanting to be prepared for all cases, struggling to make decisions, fear of failure, intolerance for mistakes, confused priorities, and generally the feeling that one can never rest because what one has done so far is not enough.
You probably think that this applies only to work or work-related tasks: where you are trying to be a better employee, a better manager, or a better student. However, if you have a perfectionist mindset, it’s hard to leave your personal life out of it. Consequently, your relationships may be affected by this mentality and, unfortunately, they will stop being as fun as they used to be, if perfectionism prevails in them.
How to heal after a break up or divorce
Relationships are challenging.
We cannot control them. We cannot guarantee that they’ll succeed.
In fact, when you come to think about it, what we know about relationships is… not much. Unfortunately relationships are not part of any school curriculum. For most of us, the only “blueprint” we have about relationships is that of our parents — and many times, it’s not an example we can (or should) replicate.
So when we’re faced with one of the toughest moments in a relationship, a breakup, most of us not only are overwhelmed by the pain and sense of loss that follows it, but we also lack the tools to process this trauma and start our path towards healing.
If you’re going through a breakup, I’m sorry. I hope that you’ll find solace in these steps below.
Why is it so hard to leave a toxic relationship?
It is often the case that after we get out of a relationship, we look back and we see all the things we couldn’t see when we were in the relationship: the pain, the rejection, the lack of respect and boundaries. But if it’s so painful, why isn’t it easier for us to see clearly what is best for us and leave a toxic relationship sooner rather than later?
Are you a pursuer or a withdrawer in your relationship?
When fighting with your partner, do you prefer to:
A - Ask for explanations, blame, push, overanalyse, criticise or
B - Retreat, shut down, walk away, avoid or find distraction?
If A, you are probably a pursuer. And I say “probably” because there is another type of pursuer, I will explain later.
If B, then you are probably a withdrawer.
Why We Push The People We Love Away & How To Stop It
The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
Are you familiar with the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde? It’s based on the novella of Robert Louis Stevenson and the story is about a man who he is a respectful and kind doctor during the day, when the night falls he turns into a heartless evil, killing innocent people. What Stevenson is trying to describe here is the duality of human nature; in other words how the shifting between “good” and “bad” is part of our inner struggles and how hard it is to incorporate both in order to come in peace and in acceptance of the inevitable existence of both these elements in our lives.
The experience of rejection has so many guises that it has become a very common emotional experience. Throughout our lives we experience rejections in many forms: being picked last for a team game at school, not being invited to a classmate’s birthday party, being knocked back for a promotion, rebuffed through internet dating, being excluded from a social gathering with friends, rejection of partner’s intimate advances and what can be the most painful for some, the break-up of an intimate relationship.
Everyone knows how horrible it is to lose a dear person and to have to figure out your life after this loss. However, I was surprised to read the other day about the impact of death and divorce in a person’s life and how close they were in terms of influence in our life. Although it seems that the loss of a loved person is one of the worst moments of someone’s life, research shows that divorce’s emotional impact resembles the size of a permanent loss.
"My partner can not change."
"Since we are not getting along now, how can I hope that we will do better in the future?"
"She hurt me. She deserves the same."
"It's not fair to have to try all by myself."
"We should both try - I see no reason why it's only me that should change."
"Only my way of thinking is right."
"There's no problem with me. If my partner changes, then everything will be fine."
"I had no problem in my life until I got married."
What Does ‘Playing the Victim’ Means?
In interpersonal relationships, the position of the victim is one of the most popular ones. Everybody pushes, pulls, plays tricks, trips others, uses others, exhausts their resources and their minds, usually unwittingly and unconsciously, and eventually placing themselves in the position of the victim.
What forgiveness is and what isn't
Forgiveness is considered by many as the redemption of a burden: the one that someone carries when he has been betrayed by a significant other, or when he has been cheated, mistaken, or abandoned.
Many times we choose forgiveness for social reasons, because "we have to". We wear the mask of "it's OK for me, as long as you are OK." But by acting this way, we skip the healthy process of "recovery" from our trauma. We go through all the “allowed” stages of emotional reactions and never express our anger, but lock it somewhere deep inside us.
YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.